Parody: IDF COS and CENTCOM Commander Discuss Lebanon Ceasefire

Parody: IDF COS and CENTCOM Commander Discuss Lebanon Ceasefire
Dr. Aaron Lerner 25 November 2024

Participants:
=E2=80=A2 Lieutenant General Aviv Kochavi, Chief of Staff of the Israel =
Defense Forces (IDF)
=E2=80=A2 General Michael =E2=80=9CErik=E2=80=9D Kurilla, Commander of =
United States Central Command (CENTCOM)

Setting: A secure video conference room. The IDF Chief of Staff, Aviv, =
and the CENTCOM Commander, Erik, are speaking candidly. Both are relaxed =
but clearly frustrated with the situation.

Aviv (IDF Chief of Staff):
Erik, good to see you. I wish it were under better circumstances. So, =
tell me, are we really going to pretend this =E2=80=9Cresiliency and =
viability=E2=80=9D thing is something we believe in?

Erik (CENTCOM Commander):
Aviv, good to see you too. And no, I=E2=80=99m not about to start =
pretending now. This whole thing feels like a house of cards built on =
quicksand. Honestly, who comes up with this stuff?

Aviv:
Probably someone who=E2=80=99s never had to deal with a Hezbollah =
operative hiding a rocket launcher under his kid=E2=80=99s bed. =
They=E2=80=99re asking us to sign off on a plan that puts the Lebanese =
Army=E2=80=94a force we both know has more leaks than a rusty =
submarine=E2=80=94right up against my border.

Erik:
And let=E2=80=99s not forget, some of those =E2=80=9Carmy =
personnel=E2=80=9D might as well be wearing Hezbollah t-shirts. =
You=E2=80=99re telling me they=E2=80=99re going to stop weapons =
smuggling? Aviv, come on.

Aviv:
Exactly. And then there=E2=80=99s this genius idea of =
=E2=80=9Crebuilding villages.=E2=80=9D Sure, let=E2=80=99s rebuild their =
homes and give them nice hiding spots for their next stash of rockets. =
All under the guise of humanitarian aid. I can already hear the excuses: =
=E2=80=9COh, we didn=E2=80=99t know the cement was going to an =
underground bunker.=E2=80=9D

Erik:
(Laughs) And then it=E2=80=99ll be our fault for =
=E2=80=9Coverreacting=E2=80=9D when we discover the bunker. Aviv, I can =
see the headlines now: =E2=80=9CIsraeli Aggression Destroys Civilian =
Infrastructure.=E2=80=9D It=E2=80=99s like d=C3=A9j=C3=A0 vu.

Aviv:
Erik, you think you=E2=80=99ll be off the hook? No chance. The moment an =
American observer shows up at one of these villages, Hezbollah will roll =
out the red carpet for a media circus. =E2=80=9CLook, CENTCOM endorses =
our peaceful efforts.=E2=80=9D And God forbid one of your guys actually =
tells the truth about what=E2=80=99s going on there=E2=80=94Washington =
will crucify him.

Erik:
Oh, I know. I=E2=80=99ve been in those meetings. The political folks =
want to sell this ceasefire as the next Camp David, and the last thing =
they want is a report from CENTCOM saying, =E2=80=9CThis isn=E2=80=99t =
going to work.=E2=80=9D They=E2=80=99ll expect me to spin this into =
something it=E2=80=99s not.

Aviv:
Erik, I=E2=80=99ve got my own pressure. If I tell Netanyahu that this =
plan is unworkable, they=E2=80=99ll accuse me of being a warmonger. But =
if I go along with it and this thing blows =
up=E2=80=94literally=E2=80=94it=E2=80=99s on me.

Erik:
Same here. If I sign off and things go south, it=E2=80=99s, =E2=80=9CWhy =
didn=E2=80=99t CENTCOM see this coming?=E2=80=9D And if I refuse to sign =
off, they=E2=80=99ll say I=E2=80=99m not a team player. Either way, =
we=E2=80=99re stuck.

Aviv:
(Sighs) The crazy part is, we both know how this ends. Hezbollah =
rebuilds, re-arms, and in a year=E2=80=94or less=E2=80=94we=E2=80=99re =
right back here, only with more rockets pointed at my cities. And this =
time, we=E2=80=99ll have to clean up a much bigger mess.

Erik:
Yeah, and it won=E2=80=99t just be you cleaning it up. If this spirals, =
the U.S. gets dragged in deeper, trying to manage a =
=E2=80=9Cpeace=E2=80=9D that never really existed.

Aviv:
So, what do we do? They want a letter saying this is viable. Can we, in =
good conscience, give them that?

Erik:
Not a chance. I=E2=80=99m not going to be the guy who signs off on this =
and pretends it=E2=80=99s all rainbows and unicorns. I can=E2=80=99t =
send that to President Biden.

Aviv:
And I=E2=80=99m not sending anything to Netanyahu. Let them negotiate =
their political victory. Just leave us out of it.

Erik:
Agreed. Let=E2=80=99s just say we need =E2=80=9Cmore time to =
assess.=E2=80=9D That buys us a few weeks, at least.

Aviv:
Sounds like a plan. Erik, always a pleasure to vent with someone who =
gets it.

Erik:
Same here, Aviv. Let=E2=80=99s just hope we=E2=80=99re wrong about how =
bad this will get=E2=80=94but I=E2=80=99m not holding my breath.

Aviv:
(Laughs) Me neither. Take care, Erik.

Erik:
You too, Aviv.

End of Video Call.

________________________________________
IMRA – Independent Media Review and Analysis

Since 1992 providing news and analysis on the Middle East with a focus =
on Arab-Israeli relations

Website: www.imra.org.il

Source: https://www.imra.org.il/story.php?id=74280