8 behaviors of people who stay calm when everyone else is losing it, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

I still remember a time when I was caught in an airport during a massive flight delay—everyone around me looked tense, frustrated, and on the verge of losing their temper.

As people raised their voices at gate agents and paced the hallways, I found myself scanning the scene and noticing the few calm faces in the crowd. It got me thinking: Why is it that some individuals manage to maintain their cool under pressure while the rest of us feel like we’re coming undone?

Over the years, I’ve practiced a range of techniques to handle stress, especially after leaving the intense world of competitive athletics. My experiences taught me that composure isn’t about denying tension or magically wishing problems away.

It’s about cultivating specific habits that help you stay centered when chaos hits. Drawing from both personal experience and psychological research, here are eight behaviors I’ve observed in people who manage to keep their calm in turbulent moments.

1. They breathe mindfully

It sounds almost too simple, but mindful breathing is the bedrock of keeping it together. I used to roll my eyes whenever a coach or mentor advised me to “take a deep breath” in high-pressure situations.

Then I discovered what a genuine game-changer it can be. Inhaling for a few slow counts, pausing, and exhaling even more slowly can interrupt a racing mind.

According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford University, slowing your breath helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which tells your body to relax. I like to imagine a dial inside me turning down the volume on stress whenever I breathe in a focused way.

This practice also anchors me in the present moment, which can be crucial when everything around me feels like it’s spinning out of control. It’s a simple habit, but one that sets the stage for the rest of these behaviors.

2. They reframe stress

Another trait I’ve noticed in calm individuals is their ability to see stress as a signal rather than a setback. Instead of treating anxiety or tension like a personal failing, they view it as a nudge to pay attention. The shift isn’t about ignoring stressful feelings; it’s about giving them a more empowering story.

I started doing this when I felt that pinch in my stomach before a big project or a speaking event. Instead of saying, “I’m so nervous,” I’d say, “I’m excited and prepared to perform at my best.” This trick might sound a bit cheesy, but it works.

In fact, a study mentioned in the Greater Good Science Center found that reinterpreting stress can help reduce its negative impact and enhance performance. By viewing nerves as excitement, you’re essentially turning that rush of adrenaline into fuel rather than letting it become a paralyzing force.

3. They set clear boundaries

I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t define what you can and can’t handle, others will do it for you—often unintentionally.

People who stay composed during hectic times are usually masters of boundary-setting. That means knowing when to say “no,” when to delegate, and when to step away from a situation that’s piling on too much mental load.

In my early years as a wellness coach, I wanted to take on every client and every opportunity. The result was a schedule that left me drained and constantly on edge. When I started setting strict hours for work, carving out time for rest, and politely declining projects that didn’t align with my goals, I felt a whole lot lighter. B

oundaries can sometimes feel uncomfortable to establish, but without them, it’s easy to burn out and lose your cool. Having them in place gives you a protective cushion against the chaos.

4. They lean on support systems

In moments of high stress, I often see the calmest individuals reaching out to people who ground them—a friend, a mentor, or even a community group.

There’s a myth that calm people rely solely on themselves, but what I’ve observed is quite the opposite. They recognize that sharing burdens or simply talking through problems helps them maintain emotional balance.

I used to think I had to be self-sufficient all the time. Then I realized how much comfort I found in a quick phone call to a friend or a short walk with someone who gets me.

Emotional support doesn’t just provide sympathy; it offers perspective. Sometimes, the very act of saying your worries out loud helps them feel more manageable. Plus, hearing someone else’s viewpoint can remind you that you’re not alone in whatever storm you’re facing.

5. They stay grounded with physical cues

For me, certain physical actions act as immediate “reset buttons.” I might stretch my arms over my head, roll my shoulders, or press my feet firmly into the ground to remind myself I’m here, I’m safe, and I can handle this.

People who stay composed often have their own set of grounding techniques—like taking a quick walk, splashing water on their face, or doing a few squats if the situation allows.

These small, almost trivial-seeming gestures can interrupt a cycle of racing thoughts. My personal favorite is placing a hand on my abdomen and taking one slow, intentional breath. That physical connection to my core makes me feel like I’m anchored, no matter what’s going on around me.

It’s a subtle but effective way to signal that you’re in control of your body—and by extension, your reactions—rather than being at the mercy of the chaos.

6. They embrace a growth mindset

I’ve always been fascinated by Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on growth versus fixed mindsets. People with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities to learn, which helps them keep an even keel when confronted with difficulties.

When I switched from competitive athletics to writing, I encountered a ton of new challenges: writer’s block, strict deadlines, and even public critiques of my work.

Instead of telling myself that I “wasn’t cut out for this,” I reframed mistakes and slow progress as normal parts of learning. This perspective quickly eased the tension that built up each time I tried something new. The calm individuals I admire tend to welcome mistakes with curiosity, not self-judgment. They view hurdles as a chance to sharpen their skills or deepen their self-awareness, rather than proof that they’re failing.

7. They practice positive self-talk

Being mindful of my inner dialogue was something I discovered later in my journey. I used to be my own worst critic, telling myself I’d never be as good as I wanted to be. Over time, I realized that what I say to myself in tough moments can either throw fuel on the fire or help extinguish it.

Calm people don’t necessarily have fewer negative thoughts; they just counter them with supportive or constructive ones. If I catch myself spiraling—saying, “I can’t do this” or “Everything is going wrong”—I pause and rephrase.

I remind myself of past wins, or I say, “This is tough, but I’ve handled challenging things before, and I’ll do it again.” This type of self-talk might feel awkward at first, but consistently redirecting your thoughts can make a real difference in how you handle pressure.

8. They prepare for challenges in advance

One of the things I’ve noticed is that the calmest individuals rarely walk into high-stress scenarios unprepared. They plan ahead, visualize potential obstacles, and set themselves up with routines that keep them from panicking when the unexpected hits.

For me, this sometimes means creating a mental (or literal) checklist before a big presentation: I’ll rehearse my talking points, gather all necessary resources, and even pick my outfit the night before.

It might sound mundane, but having these small logistical elements sorted out reduces last-minute flails. It’s not about being a control freak; it’s about minimizing the chaos you can control so you have the bandwidth to handle what you can’t.

Whether it’s prepping meals for a busy week or double-checking a project plan, a little foresight can go a long way in staying cool-headed when everything else feels unpredictable.

Conclusion

The more I practice these habits, the more I realize that composure is like a muscle. Every time I take a mindful breath, reframe a stressful thought, or tap into my support system, I’m training myself to remain steady in choppy waters.

There’s no single magic trick—just consistent, small actions that add up to big differences over time.

What’s important is finding which strategies resonate most with you. Maybe it’s grounding yourself physically when your thoughts begin to spiral, or focusing on boundary-setting to protect your mental space. Experiment, stay curious, and recognize that no one is perfectly calm all the time.

By integrating even a few of these behaviors into your daily routine, you’ll have a much stronger foundation for handling life’s inevitable storms. And who knows—you might just be the reassuring presence that others look to when everything else around them feels uncertain.

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