Five Ways to Get Your Protagonist to Realize They’re the Problem

We’ve all heard the writing advice that we need to throw rocks at our protagonists. More obstacles, more tough choices, and more loss test them and force them to grow and change. This is all true and necessary.

But one of those most overlooked forms of safeguarding our protagonists is by making their problem an everyone else problem.

If their parents could just value them for who they are, your character would be a lot happier. Or if their significant other would understand them, things would be just right. Or if their kids would put in more effort, all would be perfect in their world. If their boss would see what they’re capable of and promote them, everything would be different.

Characters can sometimes focus on the way others are letting them down. And in that case, the behavior of other characters becomes the story problem. Your character’s wellbeing hinges on someone else changing.

Back to those “rocks” we need to throw at our characters. Yes, it’s important to toss obstacles and road blocks at our characters. But I would argue that the largest boulder we can throw at our characters comes in the form of a massive mirror. If our characters are forced to look at their own behavior, their own choices, and the way those things are blocking them from what they actually need, the hardest obstacle of all emerges—changing themselves.

While it’s easy to point the finger, to assign blame, to critique and find fault in others (and it might all be deserved, by the way!), the harder thing is to self-reflect. To have your protagonist evaluate their own behaviors in light of the behaviors of those other characters. To identify choices they can make that not only free them from whatever unhappy construct they’re trapped in, but that usher them toward what they ultimately need, all as a result of their own actions.

In the real world, we know it’s not only impossible to change someone else’s behavior, it’s also not our responsibility. In the world of writing, we want to be conscientious about the way we handle that truth, too. Our characters become the vehicle for conveying a deeper truth readers then carry into their lives.

If your character’s story is an everyone else problem, where is the space for your protagonist to exercise agency? To grow and change? To test out what they can control and to deliver themselves the satisfying ending they crave?

Let’s look at a few ways to move your character from thinking their problem is about someone else to understanding that their own choices will deliver them what they need:

1. Introduce characters that show your character what’s possible behavior-wise. Maybe another character is thriving despite being in a similar situation. Or perhaps another character challenges your character directly on their decision to stay stuck in an unhappy relationship. Who can come along to plant seeds that give your character the courage to try new behaviors? To let go of the expectations they’ve placed on others? To show them that we don’t have to fixate on how others can and will let us down?
2. Introduce characters that mimic your protagonist’s detrimental choices. Maybe your character meets someone and realizes how that character is holding themselves back or making poor decisions. Maybe your character meets someone in the same situation and who is very much stuck in a victim role. Mirror characters are a safe way for your protagonist to see the truth about their own choices and to give them aha moments about themselves. Sometimes it’s not until they see something in someone else that they can then see something about their own lives. Your character might even begin to support or mentor someone else, and that forces them to want to employ change in their own life.
3. Introduce subplots that invite your character to put energy and heart elsewhere. Maybe they take up a new hobby or job, or they go somewhere completely new. Where can they thrive? Under what circumstances can their strengths emerge? Where can they have greater autonomy and see how their own choices can and will lead them to what they need? Where can they be appreciated in ways that they’ve lacked? You might even have some new subplots that reveal what your character doesn’t want—new activities or new places that echo the unhappy aspects of their preexisting lives. That way, they’re empowered to walk away in a lower-stakes setup, and to see that doing so isn’t so bad after all.
4. Present a conflict that moves them away from the rut of missed expectations. If a more significant problem emerges that invites your character in, they can loosen their focus on the way they enter the story mired in unhappy circumstances. In overcoming an unrelated conflict, they may see themselves in a new light and realize their happiness doesn’t reside in others’ hands.
5. Force them to confront the past despite their journey. While we want new people and places and experiences to grow our protagonists, part of their story arc is seeing their past with a shifted perspective. Healing is about coming to terms with the past—not simply moving away from it. If your protagonist has a new support system around them as a result of their own choices, they’re better equipped to confront the past with courage. That way, we see the power those unsatisfying relationships once had as being diminished. Perhaps the protagonist can even reflect on their own counterproductive part in the way things once were.

It’s Important to Note That Blaming Others and Not Wanting to Make Changes Are Normal and Even Expected Reactions.

Your character might enter the story this way and spend your first quarter wrestling with the view that everyone else is their problem. But beware that readers are turned off to characters with a victim mentality. Also, readers come to a story expecting change. For the protagonist’s agency to emerge and story structure to function, the reader will expect that somewhere around the 25% mark, there’s a collapse in that everyone-else-is-the-problem perspective. The character will begin to see that being held hostage by missed expectations is what’s harming them above all, and they’ll begin driving their own quest toward well-being through those five strategies above. If we’re to reach the ending fully believing your character is going to be okay, it will take time all throughout those final three-quarters to see how and why.

While we’d all love to change something about the people around us, controlling others isn’t feasible and it renders us powerless. In story, it’s no different. The more we empower our protagonist to step into new relationships and new experiences, the more we lessen the grip of missed expectations. We position our characters to face a problem that is fixable and give them that satisfying ending they deserve.

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