Fixing the recruitment crisis in the Canadian Armed Forces

As anyone minimally acquainted with current events will know, Canada is struggling mightily to attract fresh recruits to its military. A couple of years ago the powers that be updated the CAF dress code to appeal to modern youth. Henceforth, male and female recruits would no longer be restricted to choosing their kit from the male or female catalogue. After all, who’s to say a male warrior is any less a warrior if he wears a skirt? Look at the Scots with their reputation for grit and valour. Don’t tell me a kilt is not a skirt! As well, creative hair treatments and face tattoos would henceforth be a path to promotion, whereas they had formerly been a path to dishonourable discharge. Alas, that didn’t work either. The staffing crisis continues. Today I happened upon an op-ed in the Globe about how Canada can reach its NATO spending targets. As you know, we run a multi-billion annual deficit in our military spending. The authors, a couple of “Laurentian Elite” types, American Empire Loyalists to the core, put forth a four-point plan to boost our military spending to mollify the incoming US president, Mafia Don. Mafia Don is already mooting a new and improved NATO spending extortion rate of 5% instead of 2%. Most of that Globe op-ed is the expected pro-Empire hogwash, but they actually had one really good idea. Canada can meet that spending target by increasing salaries for the CAF! I did a little internet research, and discovered the base salary for a new recruit to the CAF is a tad over $36,000 per year. That works out pretty close to the current Ontario minimum wage of $18 per hour. The drive-thru at the local McDonalds has a sign; help wanted; $19hr. There you go; you can risk your life to defend freedom and democracy and Canadian sovereignty for 18 bucks an hour, or you can stay home and flip burgers for 19. Clearly, those apologists for Empire are on to something! Lets double the pay scale at the CAF! That would solve the recruitment crisis in no time! If Mafia Don raises the extortion rate to 5%, we can double the pay rate again, and increase the size of the Forces. If we play this right, we’ll be able to meet Trumps spending targets without adding a single F-35 or attack submarine to our arsenal. Instead, we’d be investing in Canadians!